I was reading Pablo Neruda, and wanted to write something in Spanish.
It translates rather prettily, I guess, but I have no idea what it actually sounds like in the language I composed it in. Whether or not it flows.
Here. You can have it.
En Ti Vive
en ti, viven los nombres de doscientas mañanas,
y en ti vive la esperanza de los padres.
en ti, vive el sol de cien días de verano,
y en ti vive la luna de cien noches negras.
eres el orgullo de las estrellas,
y la boca de palabras infinitas y silenciosas.
tu aliento es de las brisas del mundo,
y tu lengua toca los labios del viento.
¿quién dice que tu vida no tiene significado?
¿quién dice cual persona es más importante?
todos tocan el mismo viento,
y sus almas cantan la misma canción.
ni te desesperes, ni te quites la esperanza,
porque eres precioso a mí.
And for all those English speakers who are like "Whoa, dude, wtf?!", here's a rough translation:
In You, Live
In you live the names of two hundred tomorrows,
and in you live the hope of fathers.
In you lives the sun of hundred days of summer,
and in you lives the moon of hundred black nights.
You are the pride of the stars,
and the mouth for silent and infinite words.
Your breath is of the breezes of the world,
and your tongue touches the lips of the wind.
Who says your life has no importance?
Who says which person is the greatest?
All touch of the same wind,
and their souls sing the same song.
Do not despair, and do not give up hope,
because you are precious to me.
Very beautiful!
ReplyDelete...And now my inner grammarian butts in. Don't mind him, he can't comment on the quality of the poem, just the grammar.
The second line from the bottom, as written, translates as "You neither despair nor give up hope." If you want it to be like your translation, it needs to be in the negative imperative mood: "ni desesperes, ni quites la esperanza."
Also, check your translation of both those verbs. In the senses you are using them, I think they should both be reflexive: "ni te desesperes, ni te quites la esperanza."
Coming back to the merits of the poem, I don't think I've heard "quitarse" used with "esperanza", but I really like the image that it gives.
-Jacob
P.S.: I noticed a couple other things grammar-wise, but I don't want to feel like I'm destroying your poem without appreciating it. If you want to know, ask.
I really appreciate the feedback :) I've just finished making changes that my Spanish teacher noted, as well as modifying the line that you suggested (I agree, it makes more sense your way). But please, keep going; I'll never get better unless I get some criticism, so, by all means, destroy it! ;)
ReplyDeleteI nearly forgot to come back to this. I'm guessing your prof corrected everything else I noticed, because I don't see any more problems now.
ReplyDeleteAnother curiosity I noticed was the "doscientos mañanas" in the first line. I'm not sure if that would be understood as "two hundred tomorrows" or "two hundred mornings," though either makes sense. The second sense could make it a double entendre.