I Have a Confession

I've been thinking. Terrible, I know... probably going to hell for it. Anyways.

Lately I've been asking God to prepare me for a husband. I've got a couple of guys I know who are amazing, and while I don't seriously think (just dream) that either will eventually be mine, I have prayed for God to make me worthy of such men one day. All I've wanted for a while has been the chance to make a man happy.

Then today I read I Corinthians 7. I first began to read it because verse 4 caught my eye: "The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife." I had just read this passage in this text, which I linked to in my last post. But then I read the verse in the context of the rest of the chapter.

What Paul essentially writes in this chapter is that being single will best serve God, because then one won't have to concentrate on world and spouse responsibilities. If one is already married, then definitely stay married (and he says a bit about marriage). Then Paul repeats that being single is a gift from God, even as marriage is. He doesn't dis on marriage at all, merely points out that marriage will cause a bit of a relational strain between the one and God. This only makes sense.

So I can't help but wonder. Have I been praying for the right thing? I don't think I should be asking to be prepared for marriage... I should be asking to get closer to God. And don't I need to do that anyways, before marriage?

At least this way, if and when God gives me a husband, I will treat it as the gift it is, rather than with the impatience of something that has been due me.